Monday, October 21, 2013
'The Unanswered Dreams of a Dead Man' vs. Jack Kerouac & Allen Ginsberg.
TC raises his arms in the air: the people gathered hinge on his words as if he was a messiah.
"Alright people! Pineapple upstairs and then wrestling in the backyard. Let's go."
And with a unanimous Viking yell, the circle unravels to the stairs and up.
"Your house? Everything in this house is destroyed you know?"
"Material things, it doesn't matter."
The bear [of a man] raises a box to TC.
"Go over to that stereo, read this with only candlelight. A bottle of wine is uncorked."
I am compelled by TC's aura: I blink, I breathe, I comply.
"I left my job and place for this?"
No answer; he's already upstairs. It's just me, this metal box, a bottle of wine, and a stereo with 'Ode to Joy', Beethoven's 9th Symphony. I do as told: I open the box and read-- The Fraternity of Mankind.
I sit paralyzed in the candlelight from emotions which cannot be broken down into smaller parts. The seedlings of reason into the sight of the future are sown. Suddenly, TC runs down.
"Get your shit; these people have taken this party to another level."
I don't hesitate. A houseful of people on LSD: what could they be doing?
I see what he means. 'Killing in the Name of' has infiltrated the entire environment...
Here is Richard Wagner- 'Tannhauser'- it will close the day out.
A quote from Augustine’s Confessions:
I have walked miles in snow.
I have been broke and slept on hardwood floors.
I have detoxed on a death bed for days.
I can go on and on-
When a person experiences a near-death experience, they see a glorious light. The seventh and final step may open the door to this light. This spiritual awakening may be the answer to your life.
There are 7 virtues and 7 sins:
DILIGENCE overcomes the sin of sloth
HUMILITY overcomes the sin of pride
KINDNESS overcomes the sin of envy
GENEROSITY overcomes the sin of greed
MEEKNESS overcomes the sin of wrath
Saturday, October 19, 2013
A last sonnet of goodbye
To three girls I have loved with all my heart…
To my College Girlfriend,
The first song on the cassette tape I made. I’m guessing it’s packed away in some attic.
You had it all- The confidence, the intellect, the sensitivity, the brown hair, the brown eyes and the perfect smile.
It was love.
Cutting through the wake-
I kissed your lips
Beneath the moonlight
I felt your love
We were innocent
We were innocent
Frozen in the moment
Like a picture
Your eyes – your smile
This was the last song on the cassette tape:
This is the kind of love we shared.
Months later, I wrote ‘Dear Love’, this is how it began:
(A Moonlight Sonata)
As you open the door
I let the wind blow in
A cold chill
Overcome by sin
Nothing left to win
This Continuous beat
Like my heart
It tears me up inside
This agonizing pain
As you drove away
I could only watch
What you must have thought
What you must have done
With that love you had brought.
I left you there
Your body –must have been so cold
With no explanation, and no reply
I never said goodbye.
[You will always have a big piece of my heart.]
Can I segue for a moment...?
Feeling and Thinking propagate the sin
By an unnatural breeding in and in.
I say, Turn it out doors,
Into the moors.
I love a life whose plot is simple,
And does not thicken with every pimple,
A soul so sound no sickly conscience binds it,
That makes the universe no worse than 't finds it.
I love an earnest soul,
Whose mighty joy and sorrow
Are not drowned in a bowl,
And brought to life to-morrow;
That lives one tragedy,
And not seventy;
A conscience worth keeping;
Laughing not weeping;
A conscience wise and steady,
And forever ready;
Not changing with events,
Dealing in compliments;
A conscience exercised about
Large things, where one may doubt.
I love a soul not all of wood, Predestined to be good,
But true to the backbone
Unto itself alone,
And false to none;
Born to its own affairs,
Its own joys and own cares;
By whom the work which God begun
Is finished, and not undone;
Taken up where he left off,
Whether to worship or to scoff;
If not good, why then evil,
If not good god, good devil.
Goodness! you hypocrite, come out of that, Live your life, do your work, then take your hat.
I have no patience towards
Such conscientious cowards.
Give me simple laboring folk,
Who love their work,
Whose virtue is song
To cheer God along.
---- Henry David Thoreau
Henry David Thoreau----
Great God, I ask for no meaner pelf
Than that I may not disappoint myself,
That in my action I may soar as high
As I can now discern with this clear eye.
And next in value, which thy kindness lends,
That I may greatly disappoint my friends,
Howe'er they think or hope that it may be,
They may not dream how thou'st distinguished me.
That my weak hand may equal my firm faith
And my life practice what my tongue saith
That my low conduct may not show
Nor my relenting lines
That I thy purpose did not know
Or overrated thy designs.
Brink Of Eternity
In desperate hope I go and search for her
in all the corners of my room;
I find her not.
My house is small
and what once has gone from it can never be regained.
But infinite is thy mansion, my lord,
and seeking her I have to come to thy door.
I stand under the golden canopy of thine evening sky
and I lift my eager eyes to thy face.
I have come to the brink of eternity from which nothing can vanish
---no hope, no happiness, no vision of a face seen through tears.
Oh, dip my emptied life into that ocean,
plunge it into the deepest fullness.
Let me for once feel that lost sweet touch
in the allness of the universe.
To the Only Girl I Built a Home with
Where The Mind Is Without Fear
Where knowledge is free
Where the world has not been broken up into fragments
By narrow domestic walls
Where words come out from the depth of truth
Where tireless striving stretches its arms towards perfection
Where the clear stream of reason has not lost its way
Into the dreary desert sand of dead habit
Where the mind is led forward by thee
Into ever-widening thought and action
Into that heaven of freedom, my Father, let my country awake
--------- Rabindranath Tagore
O Me! O Life!... of the questions of these recurring;
of the endless trains of the faithless-of cities fill'd with the foolish;
of myself forever reproaching myself, (for who more foolish than i,
and who more faithless?)
of eyes that vainly crave the light-of the object mean-of the
struggle ever renew'd;
of the poor results of all-of the plodding and sordid crowds i see
of the empty and useless years of the rest-withthe rest me
intertwined; the question, o me! so sad, recurring-what good amid these, o me, o life?
that you are here-that life exists, and identity;
that the powerful play goes on, and you will contribute a verse.
For if dreams die
Life is a broken-winged bird
That cannot fly.
Hold fast to dreams
For when dreams go
Life is a barren field
Frozen with snow.
----- Langston Hughes
... my train of thought continues...
To my first love,
I will always remember you.
-That 10 year old kid staring out the window--
-Thought it was football
-Thought it was-
- When a man and a woman find each other-
- it is beautiful
- I know you are out there...
And the world makes you king for a day
Just go to the mirror and look at yourself
And see what that man has to say.
He’s the fellow to please – never mind all the rest
For he’s with you, clear to the end
And you’ve passed your most difficult, dangerous test
If the man in the glass is your friend.
His last football play on Earth was a touchdown.
That's unheard of
When the road your trudging seems all up hill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest, if you must-but don't you quit.
As everyone of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about,
When you might have won had you stuck it out;
Don't give up, though the pace seems slow-
You might succeed with another blow.
Often the struggler has given up.
When they might have captured the victors cup.
And you learned too late, when the night slipped down,
How close you were to the golden crown.
Talk about Strength and Faith-
I am honored to be her brother.
My older sisters: Therese and Traci were named after Therese of Lisieux.
One Red Rose: The reason my sisters and I exist.
An ordinary girl. An extraordinary soul.
My Great, Great Ancestor
FAMOUS RUSSIAN AUTHOR: IVAN GONCHAROV
[Dig Deep and Find a Way to Succeed]
Friday, October 18, 2013
The Shadow disappears.
The scene turns to COLOR.
Life events happen in mysterious ways. Most writers write from experience. Not always. So many scenes I wrote happened later in my life. For example, Christine (My second love) and I broke up and I lived alone in the apartment. One night I was with friends at Scorchers, a bar in North Royalton, where I was playing pool. Just like in the screenplay came a girl, out of the woodwork, that dressed and looked like Hope. Hope is the main female in the story. Anyways she whispered in my ear just like it happened in the story and gave me her number. One day you will see the movie and understand why I had to be extremely cautious.